I don’t know why, I just hate that biatch.

I do have a headache today. I hope I’m not getting what my daughter had. I don’t need to be sick, that’s for damn sure.

My weekend was fairly interesting. Worked at the bike shop on Saturday. Nothing special happened there, but the young hottie working there wore some incredibly tight jeans and that was nice. I got to listen to two of the girls that work there discuss oral sex. Always interesting.

Sunday went with the family to the Italian Festival here in town. That was yummy. I ate until walking was difficult. I love food. And let’s face it, we WOPs have a pretty good hold on good food.

Last night I watched “Walk the Line”. Damn good movie. I’ve wanted to see it since it came out, but never got around to it. Plus, I hate jumping on the bandwagon when movies get good press. Everyone sees them and says they are fabulous then goes out and buys the movies and cds. But it was a great movie. Johnny Cash had an interesting life, that’s for damn sure. I guess it also reaffirms that some people do have true love. They went through all that, stayed together all those years and then died within months of each other. I wonder if I’m too jaded or stupid to believe in that. Maybe I wouldn’t recognize it if it kicked me in the family jewels. I couldn’t tell you. I’ve always thought the S.O. and I had/have something special, but so much has gone down between us that I don’t know if it’s enough.

I’m having issues with my oldest daughter these days. We don’t get along at all. She doesn’t listen to anything I say. She talks back every time I tell her to do something. Now, I know this is part of being a fourteen year old girl. And I know that I can be short tempered and irritable. But it doesn’t make it easier. The S.O. says I need to pick my battles and give her more positive reinforcement. I try to. I am not constantly negative. I try to hold conversations with her and she either shuts me out or says something that infuriates me. I’m at a loss for what to do. She’s my oldest and was around 2 when we separated. Honestly, it was the hardest part, being away from her. The way I feel about my four year old now, I felt for her back then. But my immaturity and selfishness got in the way of me being any kind of good father to her until about 7 years ago or so when I stepped back in her life. But I fear the damage is done. I don’t think she trusts me emotionally. My other daughter, who is 13, is completely different. She’s loving and sweet with me. My oldest won’t hug or kiss me at all. She get’s all embarrassed about it. She has no issue with her mother, but just me. I see a lot of me in her. I see the looks on her face and sense how she feels and it reminds me of being fourteen. I wasn’t a girl, but I was confused, had no self esteem and was painfully shy. I see a lot of that in her. It breaks my heart how we are. I don’t want to just say yes to everything she wants or let her get away with everything so that she’ll like me. That would just be unfair to her in the long run and unfair to the other girls right now. It brings me to tears sometimes to think she hates me and would much rather be with her mother. Fuck, I don’t know.