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| Tuesday, September 26, 2006 |
| Tuesday, or as I call it I Rue-Day. |
 I want to apologize for timbre of the last post. Not that I am not still frustrated and feeling negative, but spewing bile at everyone isn’t going to solve anything.
Truth is I am going through a lot of shit these days. Work, money, family, my health. None if it is going well at this point.
Work: My main job is frustrating the hell out of me. I’m starting to wonder how these people have been in business for over twenty years and have been as successful as they have been. Although, past year or so their business has dropped off. The problem is at the top. Between the owner and his appointed general manager, nothing gets done. The company is financially in good shape. There is money in the bank and a fair amount of work to keep busy. By no means is it growing, though. The GM is an idiot. He is lazy, has no idea what he is doing. He doesn’t pay bills on time. He doesn’t delegate any tasks to anyone else for fear that someone will realize he’s worthless. He can’t make a decision to save his life. And for some reason, the owner loves the guy. I figure it’s because he agrees with everything the owner says. Don’t get me wrong, the owner built this company from nothing and has done a pretty good job. But now he is looking to get out of the business, to turn it over to his sons or whoever and do other things. I don’t blame him, he’s done a good job, and he should enjoy his life. But with as little time as he spends at the office anymore, he hasn’t a clue to what’s going on. He’s taken this decidedly hard sell approach to things and we are in a business where hard sell is about the dumbest idea you can have. He just wants to see business roll in. Forcing people to make a decision the same day you meet them isn’t the way. We have meetings to discuss meetings. Then during the meetings, the topic goes so far off that it’s pointless to even try to get anything accomplished. I got so frustrated yesterday I got up in the middle of a meeting and left. I told them I had a business call to make. Really I was afraid I was going to say something I regretted. I’m half tempted to go back to working at the bike shop full time.
Money. Money is money. There never seems to be enough coming in.
Family. My mother is sick right now. She’s in the hospital. My ingrate sisters are not helping a bit. Let me amend that, one of my sisters is being helpful; the other two are being idiots. My mom hasn’t been the greatest mother. She’s battled alcoholism, prescription drugs, divorcing my dad for some other guy, etc., etc. I’ve spent years in the past pissed off at her. But she is my mom. She has a disease with the addictions and it now is wreaking havoc on her body. My younger sister and one of my older sisters are too caught up in the past and their own bullshit to take time to see her. She lives in Youngstown, about three hours from me. Two of my sisters live up there also. The oldest, which is seeing her, and the youngest who can’t deal with it now. Fuck, I don’t want to deal with it now either, but she’s my mother. I wouldn’t want to sit in a hospital alone, neglected by my children. My second oldest sister who lives near me has completely shut herself off from my family. She’s so fucking self-absorbed and twisted she blames all of us for her issues. She doesn’t even talk to my grandmother who is a saint compared to most people in this world. She attended a funeral in y-town a few weeks ago that the rest of the family went to and she didn’t even say hello to them. She’s just a bitch. I’m feeling guilty too because I have so much shit going on here I can’t just drop everything and go up there and see her. I guess I’m no dream child either.
My health. It’s a long story. I don’t like dragging out my mental issues. People either understand, think you are weak minded, or they are messed up themselves. I’ve brushed on my bipolar issue before. I’ve taken medication for it on and off over the years. For the past 4 years or so, I’ve been on a medication called Effexor. Well, in April I got laid off, six weeks later, I lost my insurance from that. Luckily, I had a three month supply to go off of. That’s now gone. Let me say that I’ve been hoping to get off this stuff for a while before I got laid off. If you google ‘Effexor side effects’ or better yet, ‘effexor withdrawal’, you can read the horror stories. I’m on day 4 of getting off the stuff. By the various accounts, the symptoms can last anywhere from days to months. Lucky fucking me.
Here’s a rundown of what my symptoms are.
- Constant ringing in my ears. Doesn’t let up and occasionally gets worse. Plus, here’s a neat trick, when I move my eyes to the left or right quickly, the ringing intensifies. Apparently a lot of people have had the same effects.
- Dizziness. Random and varied in severity. Occasionally it will be a sudden wave that blurs my eyes a bit. Nice, huh?
- Irritability. You saw that one coming, huh?
- Hunger. Insatiable and never ending.
- Vivid dreams. Intense, vivid, and bizarre. Just last night I had some doozies. They are wild and real enough to wake you up continually through the night.
- Overall feeling of being sick. Like the flu. I’m tired, my head is congested, I get headaches. It sucks.
I realize at some point I’ll probably need medication again. I just don’t want it to be this one. If I make it through this, I’m never touching the shit again.
So, I apologize to anyone I’ve driven off with my hateful spew. It wasn’t intentional. I’ll get back to my perverted, misogynistic, liberal diatribes soon enough.
Peace.
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posted by dusio @ 9/26/2006 08:19:00 AM   |
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| 5 Comments: |
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Long distance *hugs* It might not help, but it's all I've got
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It means a lot, really. A random act of kindness from someone across the country restores my faith in humanity a bit.
Thank you!
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Hi dusio,
Thanks for stopping by my blog earlier! I've been enjoying reading some of yours--I like the conversational flow with which you write. Also, I'm really sorry about the Effexor withdrawl nightmare. I've taken it before, and when I missed a dose--I really suffered! I truly feel for you, and wish you all the best. I know the health care system is different in the US, but I do hope you're seeing a doctor through the withrdrawl period--it's so totally nasty and scary that you shouldn't be going through this without professional supervision, if possible!
All the best, and hang in there!
Take care,
R :)
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I hope everything gets better for ya soon! What exactly is your mom suffering from? I understand what you are going thru, I have been there myself with my own mom. The addictions, the prescriptions, her sick and now dead. My bro picked that time to bail across country too so i know what ya mean about your sisters! *HUGZ*
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Hey dusio - nowadays, anything his possible with google. A kind friend who taught himself html passed on some of this wonderous knowledge to me but anyway; in the end, all tech does are the things you tell it to do, not what you >want< it to do :p
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Name: dusio
Home: columbus, ohio, United States
About Me: Jaded, regretful, bitter and sarcastic. But a great guy!
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Long distance *hugs* It might not help, but it's all I've got