Bitching with Dusio: Still around, I'm still around.

Bitching with Dusio

The rantings, ravings and musings of a now mid-forties american male. Sex, violence, rock-n-roll. Also, emotions and all that other mushy crap.

Friday, July 27, 2007

Still around, I'm still around.

I'm still hanging on. I want to thank Jhianna for encouraging me to post again. She seems to be my one fan(and possibly my only reader).

So here I am. I do think I am going through a bit of a depression these days. I'm sure most of it is due to my work situation. I really think I'm on the brink of losing my job. I seem to have fallen out of favor with the 'in' crowd who now run the place and things are looking bleak. What is so heartbreaking about it is that I wanted so much to work at this place. I thought I finally found a job I loved and was good at. But, alas, it was not meant to be. People have other agendas and those agendas don't include me apparently. I don't hang out and drink every night. I'm not single and care free and stay out all night. All I do is show up for work everyday on time, do my job and give a damn. I don't take pleasure in hurting others, I don't enjoy firing people because they aren't 'eye candy'. And I don't do coke, so that ruins it right there.

This whole thing has shaken me to the core. I feel lost. I haven't a clue what I'll do if I lose my job. I can't imagine going out in the world looking for another job. This job had everything I wanted and going to a 9-5 job or some lame retail job doesn't interest me. And let's face it. I'm 38 and I should have a career by now and be saving for retirement. I have three kids, two in private school, shit loads of bills and apparently very little earning potential.
I'm emotionally beat, mentally exhausted and physically falling apart. My blood pressure is sky high. I'm gaining weight, have headaches constantly and don't sleep well. Plus, the S.O. is sick of my lack of sex drive, lack of emotional and financial stability and is anticipating a complete breakdown soon. She may be right. I've considered getting professional help, but to what end? They'll throw some pills at me and that'll be it. It's like being under a blanket and you are fighting to get out from under it but you can't find the edge.

I'm sure this isn't the post Jhianna was looking for. I'd like to be witty and fun, but it seems to have left me.

Enough self-pity for now.

The pic is Belladonna. She looks incredible in that picture.

Oh, and if anyone can help me fix my blog, I'd appreciate it. The right column is shifted way over and it's smashing my actual blog.

Thanks
d

Labels: Belladonna, depression, Porn Star Friday, The S.O., Work

posted by dusio @ 7/27/2007 11:53:00 AM

2 Comments:

At 12:21 PM, Jhianna said…

I just wanted to hear from you - I'll take the bad, comes along with the good.

As for work? Fuck em - sounds like they're a short ride away from driving that place into the ground. Ride it for now, but know that you can and will move on when the time is right. You're making contacts that have got to make it easier when the time comes to move on to a place like that one used to be.
At 4:54 PM, dusio said…

no, it's not wierd, and I certainly encourage it.