 I know, it's Tuesday. Tuesday used to be Hottie Alterna-Chick Day. This picture still kind of fits the theme. I said before I'm re-evaluating the daily themes and I'm still thinking it over. I still do like Hot Alternative Chicks. I still like Porn Stars. I'm just trying to think of a way to freshen them up.
So, I'm starting really to hate my work. The job itself isn't so bad, it's the owner and his minions. He has himself this little group of employees who are his favorites. He takes them drinking, does things with them on off days, gives them special treatment. He has no issue pulling someone out of work to go drinking with him. Everything in his world revolves around drinking. And, I'm suspicious, a certain white powder. If I had any proof I'd find away to turn his ass in. I'm just sick of it.
Life at home isn't much better. I had two days off and the S.O. and I had three major blow ups. It boils down to this. We don't have sex. And the kicker is, it's my fault. I just don't feel like having sex. Maybe it's medication, maybe it's low testosterone, maybe I'm just fucked up. She says the fact that I don't want sex makes her feel unattractive. I cannot do anything to convince her that that is completely untrue. There are times I feel like sex, but it's never an option at that time. Plus, now that it is such an issue, I feel this huge amount of pressure. I feel like if I do want to, we'll get into a discussion and start arguing. She talks about it all the time and I'm to the point now where I hate even thinking about it. Part of me thinks if she'd just shut up, I'd do something. But I don't know if even that is true. I've thought that the fact that we haven't been getting along and that I don't like the way she treats me has been a big turn off for me. But now I'm doubting that theory. I really don't want sex as much as I used to. I still have fantasies and check out porn occasionally, but I don't 'please' myself much ever. I don't get all that aroused.
I think I mentioned before the blog break that I had talked to my Dr. about it and he prescribed testosterone packets. I don't think they made a damn bit of difference. I didn't get any hornier.
Who the fuck knows? I suppose the next step is the shrink's office. I'm not enthused about that at all. It would probably be for the best.
This weekend we had a birthday party for my youngest, she turned 5. She is still the joy in my life. It's bizarre how being with her makes me feel better. I guess it's that whole unconditional love thing. I suppose I could use a little more of that.Labels: children, Hottie Alterna-Chick Day, sex, The S.O., Tuesday, Work |
Hey! Where the hell are you?