Bitching with Dusio: Zen-Day.

Bitching with Dusio

The rantings, ravings and musings of a now mid-forties american male. Sex, violence, rock-n-roll. Also, emotions and all that other mushy crap.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Zen-Day.

“Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth.”
Buddha

Your moment of clarity for the week.

As I said yesterday, this week is going to be a bitch. Yesterday was. Besides work, I had to go home, make dinner, go shopping, come home, give my daughter a bath, do laundry and clean up the house. Ugh. The holidays blow.

This next part is going to involve some frank sexual discussion. If that’s not your thing, well then you need to fucking grow up and stop being so damn uptight.

I’ve had two disappointing sexual experiences in the past four days. Let me explain. Monday, the S.O. and I were home alone for the first time in about, I don’t know, 20 years. She decides that she is going to give me some oral pleasure. Fan-fucking-tastic! I’m all for random oral pleasures, I’ve said that before. Well, she’s working away, going at it. And it feels great. After about half an hour of this, she’s getting bored of it. Her jaw hurts, her arm is tired. I’m enjoying it, but I can’t seem to finish. Now, I had drunk quite a bit the night before and I’m on an antidepressant that tends to slow things down, but I’ve always been able to close the deal. Not this time. She continued on for another ten minutes or so and I felt bad and she gave up. I think she thought that what she was doing wasn’t turning me on. It was, it felt great. She could have kept going for another hour and it still would have felt great. I just started feeling guilty that it was taking so long and that was a downer.
Next. Last night. The S.O. comes home horned up. We get into bed and start to mess around. As I’ve said before, she likes to have me digitally, by that I mean with fingers, stimulate her to an orgasm before we start doing it. This is fine by me. So I’m going to town. Following her instructions, talking dirty like she likes. She’s seems to be moving along. We do this for a good while and she starts to push my hand away and take care of herself. I’m good with that, I like to watch and play along. She gets me involved again, but each time she seems frustrated by anything I do and takes over again. Finally, she says, “Get a condom.” I know she hasn’t cum yet, and the way she says it seems like, “get it over with.” So, I say no, let’s wait. So I try some more and she says, “Just get a condom.” Not feeling great about it, I do. I put her on top because the only time she ever cums from regular sex is with her on top. She goes at it; I’m lifting up doing anything I can to help things along. Now, I can hold out, so there isn’t a rush. She seems to get close but never finishes. She seems to be just frustrated with me. I’m starting to lose it, so I let go a little and start to get close. She does this thing that she knows gets me off and I finish.
Then she says, “You don’t do enough for me,” and gets up and goes to the bathroom. I’m lying there, contemplating the meaning of those words. I’m not a selfish lover. I want her to get off. I will do whatever it takes. But when someone seems frustrated with anything you do, it’s a turn off. I’ve mentioned how I enjoy giving oral sex, but she doesn’t enjoy receiving it. I’m at a loss anymore as to what I need to do to satisfy her. I’m starting to feel pretty inadequate anymore. I mean, we used to have great sex. We’d both get off many, many times. I know I can get a woman off, I’ve done it before. I’ve had sex with enough women enough times to know that they weren’t faking. At least not every time. I don’t need a woman to stroke my ego by faking it. I want to know what I’m doing is good, so tell me. I’m open to suggestions.
I’m starting to think there is something else going on between us that is affecting our sex life. It’s probably something we’d need therapy for. And, I’m starting to think that she isn’t turned on by me near as much. I think others have entered her mind. So, I feel like shit.

I read a lot of blogs. I like reading about people’s lives. It fascinates me. There are many blogs out there by married couples who have these amazing sex lives. The sex is wild and hot. They try new things, but even the same old things are amazing and satisfying. How do they maintain this? What is it they do that is different? I wish I knew.

Labels: sex, The S.O., Zen Day

posted by dusio @ 12/20/2006 09:53:00 AM

2 Comments:

At 2:14 PM, alex said…

I know you have mentioned it before that you think she might have someone else -- that's the first thing I thought when I finished reading this. Hate to be a downer -- but you know me. I'm all about the honest opinions. It sounds like she was very frustrated with you - the "get a condom" comment and you just don't do enough for me. That was a low blow and imo an attempt to emasculate you so she could feel better that she was obviously holding back enjoying herself.

IMO, there's one reason women do that -- they aren't the relationship anymore.
At 6:10 PM, Jhianna said…

I don't want to pile on, but yeah. I'm not saying she's definitely got someone, but it sounds like she's mentally at least started down that road.

Of course - it could have just been her ego blasting back at you for the other night. If she took it personally that things didn't....er... work out, then maybe she needed to even the score as it were.

Can you talk to her about it?