Bitching with Dusio: If you can’t be with…

Bitching with Dusio

The rantings, ravings and musings of a now mid-forties american male. Sex, violence, rock-n-roll. Also, emotions and all that other mushy crap.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

If you can’t be with…

So, it’s Thursday, happy Thursday everyone. The only good thing about Thursday is that it’s almost Friday. I don’t really know why I look forward to the weekend, I never do anything, but I do.

I’m going to take sometime to bitch about my S.O. for a minute. I’ve been over the bizarre relationship that she and I have before, but for the sake of my bitching, let’s assume that we are a normal couple.
She is the moodiest human alive. Do not talk to her in the morning. She is the queen of all bitches. She has no issue with just outright taking your head off.
She doesn’t fight fair. She will say the meanest thing she can think of. Later, she might apologize, but it’s still out there.
She claims I never want to talk about our issues. This isn’t true. When I try to talk about them, they turn into fights. She never wants to hear my side; she only wants to tell me what’s wrong with me. When I point this out, she tells me I’m being a martyr. Then, if I tell her things that she does that piss me off; she says I’m blaming everything on her. I can’t win.
She tells me I’m not attracted to her anymore. Not true. Anytime I want to have sex, she’s not interested. But when she wants to, I’m usually already asleep. Then, she’ll say that I don’t want her. Frankly, there are times I don’t. She isn’t very nice to me sometimes and then she’ll expect me to perform like some dancing monkey.
Sex with her is complicated these days. She doesn’t get off from normal sex. I have to use toys and manually stimulate her before we even get started with intercourse. It takes like 45 minutes. After she cums, I get to mount up and then she just wants me to get off and finish. It’s not always a great experience for me. She won’t let me go down on her, which I like, she’s too self conscious. She used to be great at giving me oral, but that never happens any more.
I don’t know where to go with this relationship anymore. I really do love her, in my heart, but it’s always so much work. It’s always so much of me biting my tongue. Sometimes I feel like I can’t be who I really am with her.
Sometimes, she’s wonderful. The other night we were lying in bed, being close. It was nice. She was saying nice things to me, playing with my hair. At those moments, I remember why we are together.
This was all brought on by a spat we had this morning. She is getting up early because she has to take one of our kids to practice. We were talking, just fine. Casually I mentioned that I was working tonight, and so is she, and did the kids have anything to make for dinner. She bit my head off. “I’m trying! Get off my back! I’ll go to the store!” All I wanted to know was if they knew what they were going to make themselves. They are pretty independent and capable, but there has to be something to make. She took it as an insult that I was accusing her of being a bad mother by not having something for them. I meant nothing of the sort. I just left. I couldn’t deal with it.

I know that no relationship is easy, they all take work. But this one takes too much sometimes. I think we might benefit from couples counseling. I don’t think she would go for it. We went one time, when we were divorced, to get over some issues. She accused the counselor of being biased towards me. It was a woman and if anything, she took her side more than mine, but she would point out my S.O.’s issues also. As soon as that started happening and everything wasn’t my fault, she didn’t want to go anymore.
I’ve been through counseling and psychologists and psychiatrists before. I know enough to let down defenses and listen. I can accept that I do plenty of things wrong. Even if you don’t by the whole mental health field as a whole, another unbiased opinion can be helpful. Now, I do believe most psychiatrists are a bit too quick with the drugs and not as therapy oriented as they should be. But, I’m not Tom Cruise. That guy is a fricking idiot. Don’t get me started on him. Leave it at this. I will never pay to see another Tom Cruise movie. I hate that dipshit. I would just love to see a debate between him and a real psychiatrist or a real expert on the history of psychiatry, like he claims to be.

So anyways. I’m done bitching for now. I think I’ll post something fun later.

posted by dusio @ 8/10/2006 10:00:00 AM

3 Comments:

At 4:13 AM, calamity said…

maybe your S.O. should read this, try...and then let me know if you still have your head where it's supposed to be :P
At 3:22 PM, Anonymous said…

Why the hell didn't you stay divorced?

Being alone is far better than being criticized all the time and never being able to do anything right.
At 6:28 PM, calamity said…

hey maybe you should show this post to you. try it and then let us know if you are still alive