Bitching with Dusio: Every Silver Cloud has a Dark Lining.

Well, to counteract that, life has thrown me issues with the S.O. recently. She has been particularly negative recently and very down on our relationship. She has implied that any issues in our relationship are solely my fault. I have, for the most part, ignored this, taken the blame and tried to move on. But, I don't know how much more I can take. In a time where she should be glad that things might really get better for us financially, she makes me feel like it's not good enough. Actually, she makes me feel like everything I do isn't good enough. I don't do enough around the house, I don't take care of the kids, I don't make enough money. And, I don't have sex with her enough. I'll save that last one for later. I do try to help around the house. Granted, I probbly could do more and I have admitted that and tried to improve. But she acts like she is the only one doing anything and the rest of us are out to get her. With the kids, she thinks I don't 'watch' them enough while I'm home. Like I lock myself in a closet and ignore them. I spend as much time with them as she does. The four year old follows me around when I'm home. With money, it's never enough. But what pisses me off is that she makes her job seem so much more difficult then mine. I work about 45-50 hours a week. Not a huge amount, but my day typically starts at 6am with the kids and get home around 7:30pm. It's a long day. I'm not on my feet all day, but I do run around quite a bit and the place is two stories. She works 3 or 4 days a week for about 5 hours a day. Granted, she is on her feet and moving the whole time. But she is constantly telling me how exhausted she is. How work just wears her out and I'd never understand. I understand working on your feet. I worked retail for over 10 years. I would work 12 hours shifts for 60-70 weeks. I know it's tiring. But fuck, we are all tired.

She can have such a negative life view. She only sees the negative in the world. When I told her about a possible job bump, the first thing she said was you don't have it yet. She said the same thing when I first took this job. First it was, you aren't going to get it, then it was, how much money will it be?. Finally when I got the job and more money than I expected, she bitched about how much I would work. Sometimes I have to do events at night. It is about once or twice a month. This really pisses her off. She always makes me feel guilty that she is stuck with the kids and they are driving her crazy and the house is a mess and she has so much to do and she is so exhausted. She calls me like 10 times a day on my cell phone at work and bitches about everything. Then, if I can't talk because, I don't know, I'M WORKING!, she gets pissed off. At my last job, I got written up because she called so often. I was constantly teased and berated that my 'master' called twice an hour.

Don't get me wrong. I do love her. She just makes me fucking nuts. Plus, recently, she's on this kick where she thinks I should move out because we don't get along. Then, she'll tell me how she needs me and loves me. I have to say, it's getting to where maybe I should consider moving out. I want it to work out. I want to be a family with her. I want her to be happy. I just don't think she has the capacity for happiness. She wants to be miserable. She is a hypochondriac who constantly thinks something is wrong with her. She makes our life together the same way. I can't live my life feeling miserable and thinking how horrible everything is and always will be.