My tummy hurts. I went to lunch at the bar place I go to a lot. I had a meatball sub. It was tasty. I ate too much. The bartender/waitress lady had on a shirt that showed more boob than it covered. She has delightful breastes. I would like to curl up between them and take a nap.

Last night I went to my daughter’s freshman orientation. Did I mention I really didn’t care for high school? I think I did. Anyway. It was the usual spiel, principal talking, counselor talking, etc. Seems like the administration there has their shit together. The program they have to integrate freshman into the school is very well thought out. I went with the S.O. I just wonder if my daughter feels the same way about us as parents as I did about my parents. I mean, I would be slightly embarrassed by them. They’d suggest something, I’d scowl. I think she does. They had clubs and extra-curricular programs set up in the lobby, so you could sign up. The S.O. and I would suggest something, she’d act like we were crazy and move away from us. The S.O. and I are fairly attractive, we’re clean, and we dress nicely. Some of the parents there, I would be embarrassed to admit that they were even human. I guess it’s her age. I just want her to be involved in things. I was so damn shy my freshman year, I didn’t do anything. She has already signed up for the tennis team, so that is good. A senior girl who is on the team with her came up and said hello. I told her, “See, being involved in stuff is good. Not every freshman has a senior come up and talk to her.” I know I was making a big deal out of something small, but I wanted to point out that being involved means making friends. Plus, the girl was cute and obviously popular, and that never hurts. I don’t care if she’s popular; I just want her to be happy. I know that once I got involved in Drama my sophomore year, I had so much more fun. I met all kinds of people and did all kinds of new things. I just want the best for her, you know?

My four year old said something to me last night. We were laying on the couch, watching “Jimmy Neutron” (the greatest animated show on TV). She looked at me and said, “Daddy, I love our family.” It just melted my heart. With all the crap that goes on with my S.O. and I, I forget sometimes that we are a family. I’m so happy that the little one loves her family. It’s the one thing I’ve always wanted my kids to have. I want them to be a part of a real family. We sit down to dinner every night we can, as a family. We do things together, support each other. I want each one to know that any and all members of our family will be there if they need them. My family growing up wasn’t so tight. My dad was rarely home, my mom went through times when she drank. We all did the best we could. My grandparents are the one who instilled the love of family in me. They always made me feel that if I needed them, they’d be there. And they always were. And my grandmother still is. My grandfather passed away two years ago. It was the first time in my life I’d lost a close family member. Losing him was especially hard. He had Parkinson’s and it had reduced him to a shell of the man I knew. He was the strong, silent type. Not a big man, only about 5’8” but with inner strength. He owned an auto body shop and always worked with his hands. He had big, incredibly strong hands. He gave me my love for working on things and gardening and the outdoors. My father didn’t have mechanical skills. He was always a business man. I still have dreams about my papa. Sometimes I think he is looking down on me and isn’t very pleased. I know some of the things I do wouldn’t please him. My grandparents are the essence of what a family is, at least to me. I try to bring my kids up to see my grandma as often as I can. They call her ‘grandma.’ She is to them the grandma I had as a kid. My mom is ok, but she isn’t like a grandma figure, it’s just not her. My sister had the first kid, and my mom didn’t want to be called grandma. So now all the grandchildren call her something else. My dad is in California, so they don’t get the benefit of him being around anymore than I did. But that’s his loss. They have their mom’s father, and they had my grandfather for a while.
I said before that I’m happiest when I’m with my four year old. It’s true. She loves me unconditionally and she delights me immensely. We sit and have conversations, silly most of them, but she will burst out with some jewel of wisdom, simple in form, but dead on. Having her has changed my life and life perception more than any other thing.