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| Friday, August 31, 2007 |
| Pardon the Vulgarity. |
I'd like to apologize for the acerbic and overall pitifulness of the last post. I was feeling down on myself, still am a bit, but it was uncalled for.
I thought this pic of Jessica Biel and her wonder-ass would make me, and maybe you, feel better. Ahhh......... large apple-shaped booty.
So I realize sitting around feeling sorry for myself isn't ever going to be the answer. I just feel like I've been nut-punched over and over again. Every time I stand up and walk it off and start to feel better, WHAM!, punch in the nuts.
Just to reassure, I'm not desperate to the point of self damaging. Let me restate that. Although I will drink myself into a stupid reckless state, I will not try to off myself or anything of that nature. Who am I, Owen Wilson? Bad joke. I feel for that guy. Regardless of what happened to him, he did a lot of shit that put him in the hospital and it was a cry for help or a unwitting attempt.
I've been there. I know how he's feeling. Maybe not to the extent he is now. I felt stupid, ashamed, ridiculous. He has the media to deal with, too. That blows. I wish the guy well.
Anyways, more importantly, back to me. No, I'm not into harming me. I love my kids immensely and would never do that to them. I need them and they need me. I just need to get my shit together enough to provide for them. I'm trying. Granted, I can be a self-loathing, lost-in-a-sea-of-despair, as pathetic as a teenage girl, kind of loser, but I'm done with the cries for help and half-hearted attempts. Does it make me less of a man to admit I once went through all that? Fuck if I know.
The funny thing is, that stage of my life was probably my most successful, career-wise. I was making great money, moving up, getting where I wanted to go. I was getting laid constantly, swimming in a sea of meaningless sex with 18 year olds and sleazy women. If I learned anything, manhood and happiness isn't found down the road of money and cheap lays. I'm not saying I don't miss those days sometimes. I'm not sure if me getting past that stage has been a good thing. I am a much better father, though.
I'm not sure what this ramble of a post is meant to achieve. Truth is, I'm tired, I've had a beer or two and I just needed to vent.
Peace my peeps.Labels: Jessica Biel, Venting |
posted by dusio @ 8/31/2007 10:29:00 PM   |
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| About Me |
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Name: dusio
Home: columbus, ohio, United States
About Me: Jaded, regretful, bitter and sarcastic. But a great guy!
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