Bitching with Dusio: Yeah, It’s Friday.

I am already having a shitty day. The S.O. and I are at each others throats. I’ll get into that in a minute.
First, I want to wax political for a minute. Well, maybe it’s societal, I’m not sure.

I’m listening to NPR yesterday, “Fresh Air”, to be specific. I love that show. Smart, great interviews, Teri Gross, the host, is awesome. I get the majority of my news from NPR, I feel like it’s the only source that doesn’t have an agenda, sensationalize, or sugar coat the news. Plus, their stories are much more in depth than most broadcast news.
So anyways, on “Fresh Air”, Ms. Gross is interviewing the Dixie Chicks. Let me start by saying I’ve liked the Dixie Chicks since their first album. I like country music, I like bluegrass, I like chicks. No, they are seriously talented ladies, they just happen to be hot. I like the way they try different sounds and styles and are incredibly talented musicians.
They are discussing the flap that went on after the lead singer, Natalie Maines, made a comment about how she was embarrassed to be from the same state as George Bush. To most people, an innocuous political comment. She said it the day before Bush’s ‘deadline” for compliance with Saddam Hussein. The war was getting ready to start. Now most people either agree or disagree and that’s that. Not with the Dixie Chicks. I suppose because they were considered ‘country’ artists that the people that listen to them are country fans. I don’t want to generalize, but how can you not. They were banned from some stations. They received death threats. People had CD burning parties. Country radio won’t touch their music anymore. Is this what America is all about? Why is it Bono and John Mellencamp and other performers come out against Bush and nothing happens? I think these people need to rethink their definition of what it is to be American and to be patriotic. If you choose not to listen to the Dixie Chicks because you don’t agree with what she said, fine. That’s your right. But she has the right to say it. They don’t deserve to be threatened or banned or ostracized because of it. Listening to them talk, you could hear the hurt in their voices when they talked about the whole ordeal. I think they felt abandoned by some people. But I know there are plenty of people who support them still. Maybe their genre of music will have to change, but they are still talented performers. I hope they become more successful in spite of it.

Now, about the S.O. and I. I’m starting to believe it’s pointless for us to try anymore. We are so jaded towards each other that we don’t give each other the benefit of the doubt. She thinks I do things just to spite her and I think she does and says things regardless of my feelings. She bitches that I am not intimate with her, not loving or caring. My point is I don’t have those feelings for a reason. I can’t turn on and off my feelings. She hurts my feelings. I don’t want to make her out to be a huge bitch; there is no point in it. I’m not perfect, I know that. I can be thoughtless and distant. I don’t claim any high ground. I just think we don’t have any shot anymore.
Most people would separate at this point, but financially, that’s not in the picture right now. We have a hard enough time as it is supporting three kids without having to maintain two residences.
I guess my only plan is to hang on until next year when I get my tax return and discuss moving out then. We will have to work out a plan for the kids and work and all, but I won’t let it turn out like it did before. I will be there and I will provide more than financial support. Hell, I’d prefer the kids live with me. We’ll see.
So, here I sit. Heart-heavy and weary. Ground down by life and its trials. It’s just so frustrating. I wonder where my happiness lies.

This song by the Dixie Chicks sums up my feelings about the S.O. right now.

"Not Ready To Make Nice"