Bitching with Dusio: Thoughts.

Bitching with Dusio

The rantings, ravings and musings of a now mid-forties american male. Sex, violence, rock-n-roll. Also, emotions and all that other mushy crap.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Thoughts.

If you've read this blog with any regularity, you probably know I've had kind of a rough year. It's all a lot of bullshit water under the bridge at this point. Things got even worse more recently.

In these tough times, I've done some soul searching. Struggling to figure out what is in me that causes things to happen. Looking at my spirituality and wondering if my lack of devotion to any religion played a part. Or is it just karma?

Truth is, I haven't come to any hard and fast conclusions. I've let these times shake me. Shake my understanding of the world, my view of myself.

I posted a thread on a forum, asking for some advice. I received some good thoughts. Some religious, some practical, even some harsh. I caught some criticism for 'whining', even though I wasn't complaining, I was merely asking for thoughts. I was called a 'overly sensitive emo fag'. I learned on that board that some people just like to shit on everything. They enjoy being the voice of hate and anger, of negativism.

But today, driving along, not even trying to think about anything in particular, I came to a realization.

I realized, so what if I'm sensitive? So what if I have worries and concerns. If I have a soft heart and sometimes thin skin. It's who I am. I've always been a bit sensitive. A bit of a hippie. I care about people. I don't go out of my way to hurt anyone. Some people live for drama and take that out on others, I prefer peace. I prefer lack of confrontation. I'd rather reason with someone than scream. Sure, I can have a temper, but that tends to come out only when I am attacked. And I'm working on that.

My issues with my disturbed neighbor who can't seem to get over her issues with my family has made me realize that the best revenge on a person like that is to completely ignore them. They can say what they want, they can make crap up and waste their time trying to evoke a response, but I win when I ignore it. Besides, karma already bit her in the ass once recently. Apparently not all the neighbors she has pissed off have my lack of vengeance.

So here I am. Me. Soft hearted, think skinned, a bit touchy. I have my issues. I believe in peace and love. I am who I am. People are who they are. I can't change that. I shouldn't have to live up to their ideas, they shouldn't have to live up to mine. But this world would be so much better off if we just respected each other more. Respected each others identities, races, religions, beliefs.

From now on, I'm just going to try to be me. To accomplish the things I want to accomplish. To go through life helping others when I can. Loving those around me. Caring for my friends and family. And ignoring those who don't like me for who I am.
I'm not perfect, I say that all the time on here. I'm impatient, I'm perverted, I'm moody. But that's who I am.

So be it.

Labels: life, thoughts, wisdom

posted by dusio @ 8/19/2008 12:49:00 PM

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